Gay Time

I used to be on time everywhere - sometimes I was even early.  The problem with that is that all of my friends run on "gay time".  I'm not sure why exactly (don't worry, I have theories), but gay men are always a half hour to an hour later - for EVERYTHING.  Yes, I'm generalizing.  Are there gay men who are punctual?  Absolutely.  But even they can be influenced eventually.

Take Gaybie for example.  Once upon a time, he was early for everything.  He was that guy who shows up for your 9pm party at 8:30, but you're just getting IN the shower because you're assuming nobody will be there until at least 9:30 so you give him some random kitchen task that you never would have had time for otherwise.  And then he became friends with other gay men and spent a good portion of his time sitting around waiting for other people.  He'd be 20 minutes early to an event that everyone else was 45 minutes late for - that's an hour of awkwardly sitting around alone.  And over time, he adapted.  Now he's definitely one of the worst offenders.  I love the text messages I get that let me know he's running on gay time and will be late.

The problem with being a straight girl who has started running on gay time is that not ALL of my friends are gay men.  (You might want to sit down at this point.  I realize that last sentence may have come as a shock.)  I am now notorious among all my straight friends for being routinely late.  I feel bad about it, I really do.  But I just can't figure out anymore how to be on time.

Gay Time.  n. The act of being habitually 30-60 minutes late for every event.  Possibly due to increased time spent getting ready, a desire to be "fashionably late", lack of attention to detail due to drinking, and/or grindr, etc.  Also known as "gay-o-clock" or "homo standard time", both of which are not really acceptable for use by straight people.

Gay Roommates are Amazeballs

And here's why:

1. The bathroom is always clean. So is the kitchen. Like, clean to the point of me feeling guilty about it all the time.
2. If you know me, you know I'm not really the kind of girl who uses hair product...or much makeup. But every once in awhile, it's got it's purpose. Now there's always some around.
3. I rarely leave the house looking ridiculous anymore - there's always someone to make me wash off my raccoon eyes or tell me my bra straps are showing. Girls will let you go out looking ok, but not great. Gay boys will refuse to be seen out with you until you change out of your mom jeans.

Ok, so I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "girl roommates do all that too!" So here's the difference:

4. They can lift heavy objects!
5. They fix things!
6. They lust after the same men in movies and let you rewind to watch the scene where that guy takes his shirt off 6 more times. (ok, girls do this too...but only about 2 times.)
7. Have you seen my house? The color schemes are awesome.